Diary Entry from a Karen
July 1 2023
I was at the Mall today, you know the one by the great big rock quary where all those kids went missing a few years ago. They still don't know what happened to them kids but I'm pretty sure it was gang related. My friend, who was one of the police officers that was part of the investigation, said that he found a bunch of small animal bones and broken crosses down there. Now, I may never have been to any big city, but turning away from the lord and playing with rodent bones sounds like something gangs like the crips and bloods are into.
Anyway, it's just a few days away from my aboslutely faborite holiday. America's birthday. The day when our lord and savior Geroge Washington beat back those dirty british soldiors and made a home for freedom and guns. I hear, that this year, there's going to be a Trump impersonator down at the mall. Diary, if I don't try to fuck that man it will be a miracle. Okay, so I was at the mall because I wanted to get some new decorations. The store I normally go to Dougs Big and Thick Everything Shop, where prices are so hard you can crack your teeth, was closed. I love that store. It's got everything a lady of liberty could ever want. Last year Doug said he got this special box with ornate carvings and that it was like some kind of puzzle box or something. Well, Diane, my neighbor, the fat one, not the one lives behind us. Fat Diane told me that Doug tried to open the box and a bunch of black dust flew out and went into his nose and mouth. I said "Sounds like Asbestos" and she said "That's what I thought". Well, then Doug aparently went rampaging through the streets screaming something about "All praise Kartalah the demon queen who is pregant with our doom". Diary, my opinon, is that he got high on some of those magic mushrooms that the cool teens down at the highschool are doing. I said this from day one, we should lock up those kids and teach them a lesson. You can't be messing with drugs. Not in my town.
Anyway, so I'm down at the mall looking for new decorations. They've got the best Marshalls in that one. I walked in and guess what I saw?! A group of black teens looking at suitcases. Immediately I was suspicios. What are black teens doing looking at suitcases I thought? Where are they gonna possibly go? No one else seemed to notice or care that these black teens were clearly up to no good so I decided to duck behind the kitchen supplies aisle. There I could observe them unoticed. There were four or five of them. I'm not really sure because one looked like he had some American in him so I couldn't be sure which side he was on. But he was laughing and joking with the rest of the group so I decdied that he'd gone over to their side. Another good American boy lost. Just like those kids at the quarry. While I was in the kitchen supplies I saw them take down a suitcase, open it, close it, and then start to roll away with it. I was sure, I was absolutely sure that when they opened it they put something inside. I couldn't really see when they opened it beccause at that moment my IBS acted up and I had to find a safe place to release my ballast, so to speak. But when I was back they had the suitcase closed up. And well, I was sure they must have hid something in there to steal. Why else would they be buying such an expensive and nice suitecase. I can't even afford a suitcase like that.
When they started to walk away I sprang into action. I said "Karen, Karen you can be a hero right now. These dirty bastards are trying to pull the antifa wool over these nice Marshal employees eyes. And America wouldn't be America if it wasn't built on one foundational principle. People get to take things into their own hands whenever it suits them!" By the time of was done talking to myself the black teens had already made it across the store. So I ran after them and once I caught my breath after a few minutes of heavy breathing I asked them what they were doing. And do you know what they did!? They just looked at me like I was crazy and then kept walking! They ignored me! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED. Esepcillacy by thugs and criminals. I yelled out what do you think you're doing and one of them finally realized I was serious. She turned around and said "What!" Just like that. She didn't even care that I was on the side of pure true white justice. I said "what do you have in that suitcase?" and they said "nothing" and then they kept walking again. In that momnent Diary the 1/16th Cherokee blood that's on my great grandfathers side. The one we found out we had after we took that online DNA test. Where my great grandfather was seduced by a beautiful Cherokee woman who worked down at the bank. He was already married at the time and this whore of a woman saw my grandfather and realized he was a weak man. She was my real great grandmother. Well, that tribal magestic blood runs through my veins. I summoned all of my tribal ancestors and I lunged at the luggege. I knew if I opened it I would find drugs and needles, and who knows what else! Pornography!? When I lunged they move the bag out of the way and I tripped. Normally I have cat like reflexes. Everytime the doctor does that little hammer test on my knee he always says "Wow, it's not supposed to do that." But that day I had eaten a Cinnabon before and Diary you know how those buns sit in my stomach with my IBS. I felt like a tubberware filled with maynosaine based egg salad.
I tripped and fell. I farted when I hit the tile floor. It was so embarassing. I didn't realize I was being filmed. I honestly don't remember was what happening in that moment. It was only later when people started calling me Fart Mall Karen did I realize I had called those kids the N-word. Normally, that would never leave my mouth. It's such a digusting word. So many "gs". I have always been a friend to the black community. Last year when a group of them moved in two doors down I brought them a house warming gift of KFC and lemondade. Every time I see one of those commercials about Africa I have to change the channel beause it makes me so sad. My opion is All lives matter, even black ones!
Well, Diary. It didn't stop there. I fell, farted, aparently called them dirty rugrat n***s and they caught it all on camera. Well, once I said that they got really angry at me. They called me a "fat white bitch!" I was shocked that that kind of language could come out of their mouths. When I was young if I was to use that kind of language to my elders I have to wash my mouth out with soap. Well they were yelling at me and that Irish/Italian blood from my grandfather kicked in. We were making a scene Diary. No doubt about it. At one point the mixed one tried to walk by me and I gently touched his shoulder to stop him. When I did that the face he made sent shivers down my spine. I've never seen such anger before. I was terrified for my life. Instictively the women's defense classes that I watched on YouTube kicked in and I pulled out my phone and started calling the police. Luckily, there was a mall policeman already on the scene and he came over. The moment I saw him Diary I was so relieved that tears started streaming from my eyes. These young thugs had threatened my life, they had called me fat, they had been transporting narcotics in the luggage! When he came over he saw the biggest one, who hadn't said a word, and went into action immediately. He grabbed him and threw him on the ground. It happend so fast that I didn't realize I had said "take down that n-----". Well, his knee was on that kids neck for a while and by that point there was an entire crowd of people yelling for him to take his knee off. At some point the crowd ran over and tackled the Mall cop. He was stunned so was I because as they were beating that man senseless they started calling me a rasist bitch. You should have seen me cry then but no one cared.
July 4 2023
Well, my favorite holiday was ruined today. I found out that I was fired from my job of being a substitute teacher of 25 years. The school district called me and said that my behavior was antithetical to the kind of environment they were cultivating in their schools. They wanted one of inclusion and my "abhorant racist behavior was grounds for termination." I am a total outcast now. People on the street see me and just because of the way I look, I look like the woman who called young black teens the n-word, they treat me differently. Restaurants won't seat me. I have been trying to get a date to get my minge filled with cream and not one man in my community wit stuff me silly. Dear Diary, there is no one on earth who can understand how hard it is to be me. To be judged just for the way I am and look! I AM SO ALONE!